More Masonic Humor

A Doctor and Plumber are in the same Lodge. On Sunday Morning the Doctor wakes up to find his toilet blocked. So he rings the Plumber. “But I do not work Sundays! Can’t it wait until tomorrow.” The Doctor said. “I do not like working Sundays either but if you were in trouble, and felt unwell, Brother I would come round to see you” “Ok” says the Plumber and goes round to the Doctor. Goes upstairs and looks at the toilet, take two aspirins from his pocket and throws them down the bowel. “There” he says “If it’s no better tomorrow give me a ring and I will call round.”

On the subject of humor you have probably heard this one: whilst visiting a newly initiated brother at home one day, his wife took me to one side and said her husband had started behaving very strange since joining. I inquired in what way? He locks himself in the toilet for hours on end mumbling to himself with his little blue book. As the evening proceeded I turned the talk to lodge, and asked him how he was getting on. Oh fine was his reply. I asked him about his behavior and was there any thing wrong No was his reply. So why read the book there? Well he said “Its the only TILED room in the house”….

It seems a Jewish family had rented an apartment that sat directly under the Masonic Temple, and at least once a month they would always hear this stomping from above. One day Izzy told his wife he was going to drill a hole in the ceiling and see what those Masons were up to. After doing so, one evening he heard some stomping coming from above, so he got his ladder, climbed up and decided to take a peek. After a few moments, he flew down the ladder and ran in and told his wife to pack all their belongs and “Let’s get out of here and fast !!!” When she asked why, Izzy told her that he was just peeking in on the Masons above and saw them kill a man and said they were going to blame it on the ‘JEW-BELOW’.

I heard this the other day: A Candidate for initiation was to be picked up and driven to the Lodge, but before this could happen the car broke down. The Candidate said as no great distance was involved he would go on his bicycle. Just when he reached the top of the hill his chain broke. As the Lodge was at the bottom of the other side and all he needed was a backpedal brake, so he repaired the chain with a cord he had in his pocket and free-wheeled downhill to the Lodge. Later that evening in reply to a toast in his honor, he said how proud he was to be a Freemason but could not understand, as he had told no one, how the WM knew that he had come on his own free wheel and a cord.

It seems that another Mason, Master of his Lodge, went to Heaven and met with St. Peter. He identified himself as a member of the Craft and St. Peter asked, “What Lodge?” Proudly the Master replied, “Old Adage Lodge #1.” St. Peter immediately took him to the Masonic Clock Room. The Master, in puzzlement, looked around the room which was filled with clocks. Each clock had a Lodge’s name on a brass plate and, strangely enough, each clock was at a different time. He asked why and St. Peter informed him that the hands only moved when someone in that Lodge made a mistake in the Ritual. The Master then asked where his Lodge’s clock was as he couldn’t see it. St. Peter replied, “Why, it’s in the kitchen, of course.” “The kitchen,” said the Master?
“Yes, you see, we needed a new fan.”

Pat & Bill had been Lodge Brothers for many years. They had promised each other long ago that the first to go to the Grand Lodge above would return to tell the other whether there really were Lodges in Heaven and what they were like. By and by, it came to pass that Bill went first. One day shortly after, Pat was working in his garden when he heard a whispered voice, ” Pssst Pat!” He looked around but saw nothing. A few moments later he heard, now quite clearly ” Pat! Its me, Bill!” “Bill” Pat exclaimed, ” are you in Heaven?” ” Indeed I am ” said Bill. Pat paused for a while to get over the shock and then said ” Well, Bill, are there Lodges up there in Heaven?” “There certainly are, Pat. There are Lodges all over and they are quite magnificent, equal or better to Great Queen Street. The meetings are well attended, the ritual is word perfect, the festive board fantastic and the spirit of Masonic Fellowship is all pervasive.” ” My goodness, Bill,” said Pat, ” It certainly sounds very impressive but for all that you seem rather sad. Tell me old friend, what is the matter.” ” Well, Pat, you are right. I have some good news and some bad.” ” OK, Whats the good news?” ” The good news is that we are doing a 3rd this coming Wednesday” “Great” said Pat. ” What’s the bad news then?” ” You’re the Senior Deacon! ”

Some few years back, just after the introduction of Random Breath Testing, the Police officers of a small country township had to show the community that the RBT was working. They decided to stake out the local Masonic Hall, then as the night wore on, eventually a mason slowly came down the stairs and got into his car. The moment he started the engine the two officers approached him and asked him to “blow into the bag”. He did of course but to the amazement of the officers proved negative. Fearing a faulty bag tried again, with the same results. Sure of a possible conviction they then escorted him to the Police station to do a blood test, with it also proving negative. Being upset with this they then asked him what had gone on and what he had done that evening, to which he answered, “The Grand Master was there, the Grand Secretary was there, the Grand Stewards were there and we all had a great time, as to my job I was the Grand Decoy”.

About leader

District Deputy Grand Master Saratoga-Warren District 1998-2000; Grand Lodge Leadership Services Committee; Leadership Development Course Coordinator; Vice Chairman Grand Master's Educational Task Force; Vice Chairman Grand Lodge Child ID Committee; District Deputy Grand High Priest 14th Capitular District; Grand Master of the 1st Veil 2010; Grand Master 2nd Veil 2011; Grand Master 3rd Veil 2012 Grand Royal Arch Captain 2013 Grand Principal Sojourner 2014 Grand Captain of the Host 2015 Warren County Historical Society Board of Trustees; Queensbury Masonic Historical Society Charter Member; State Chairman Lodges & Buildings Committee Deputy Grand Master's Advisory Committee
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